The View from the West Hill: Ponderosa á Go Go

One evening I walked a mile down the block to the Baho Convenience Store to get a soda. As I walked out of the store, I ran into Cary the Whore Monger, who decided we'd walk & talk back to the house.

As we walked, he explained that he didn't have a car because he was saving his money. He had a car at some point, as well as a lot of other earthly goods. But sadly he had wasted that money on a woman. "I can't tell you how much I invested in that woman," he lamented.

Anxious to get out of the conversation, I walked briskly as he explained that he knew how to get by on the cheap. It seems he rarely pays for anything, since he knows how to get "free items."

"Everything in my apartment was free. I just got a brand new sweeper last week. My furniture - free. Used carpet - free. And personal hygiene products - oh lord, can I get free personal hygiene products."

I picked up the pace a little as he went on to explain that he not only gets free stuff, he also only pays for one meal a week. "If you go hungry in this town, you don't know what you're doing. The only meal I pay for is when I go to Ponderosa with my dad on Sundays. Ponderosa has this Grand Buffet that's full of food. I eat so much, they lose money on me."

(Here's where I started a slow jog.)

"They have salad, all kinds of vegetables: onions, carrots, lettuce, cucumbers, radishes, cabbage, peppers...then they have hot food: mashed potatoes, meat loaf, chicken wings, macaroni & cheese, stuff for tacos, burritos, pasta, macaroni salad, potato salad, cole slaw.

"I fill my plate up with everything when I go. I'll spend the whole afternoon there, they definitely lose money on me. I tell my dad 'They're losing money on me.' And then I go back for more. I clean them OUT!"

(At this point, I broke into a dead run for Walnut Street, although Cary's longer legs allowed him to keep up comfortably while still talking.)

"Soups - don't get me started. They always have 3 kinds of soup. Last time I was there, they had chili, chicken noodle and barley vegetable. I had three bowls of the barley vegetable."

As we climbed the stairs, he recounted the dessert selections. I stood in my doorway, not sure how to end this one sided conversation.

"They have ice cream, chocolate syrup, sprinkles, cookies. Once, they had these wonderful lemon squares...I filled an entire plate with those lemon squares."

Cary came out of his reverie and looked at me with glassy eyes. "Have you ever been to Ponderosa?"

If only he'd asked at the beginning of the walk. "Yes, Cary, yes I have." With that, Cary opened his door and went in, leaving me standing in the hallway contemplating lemon squares.

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